Teacher Funnies

As a high school teacher, I suppose it is no secret that I love teenagers. I mean, you kind of have to in order to do what I do. Most people who find out I am a high school teacher say one of two things: "Why?" or "God bless you."

The truth is, I absolutely love this age. Yes, it has its drawbacks. There is nothing quite as nauseating as the smell of high school boys coming straight from gym class (*vomit*), or a student with very little regard for personal space asking you one million questions while their acne-filled face lingers inches from your own.

But for me, the rewards far outweigh the drawbacks. For instance, teenagers love to laugh, in between all of their morose brooding. They love a corny joke. They still think farting is funny. One good "Your mom" or "That's what she said" can have an entire class reeling with giggles. This might annoy some people. It does not annoy me.

The truth is, I am generally annoyed by adults who have forgotten how to laugh, so I appreciate the youthful benefits of a day spent enjoying, laughing, energizing... even when they are laughing at me!

Throughout the last decade I have been a teacher, I have kept a journal on my desk of the funny things my students say or do. I write in it whenever a 'funny' happens and I take it out to read on days where I have had ENOUGH of teen angst and drama. It is the perfect antidote to a bad day and I still laugh at the entries.

A few samples:

1. *after having trouble reading out loud in class*

Student (genuinely frustrated): Dang! How many brain cells does smoking pot make you lose? Don’t they ever grow back?

2. Me: (in hallway between classes) Excuse me, sir.You need to tuck your shirt in.
  Kid: Huh? I never received a recommendation of that.
  Me: (pause) What?
  Kid: I didnt use that word right, did I? I just learned it today.

3. Me: In Chapter 2, what does Jack keep doing that demonstrates he has a violent streak? (Answer: He keeps taking out his knife and stabbing the trees)
   Dushon: Uh... he keeps ... drowning the fish?
                        * LONG PAUSE *
    Me: HOW DO YOU DROWN A FISH?!

4. Boy:  This calculator be dumb. The numbers are,
         like, invisible.
   Girl:  Turn it on.

5. *overheard by me at the end of class*
   Boy 1:  Mrs.Peters should be a Dallas Cowboys
           Cheerleader.
   Boy 2:  She's missing two very important
           qualities.

NEED I SAY MORE?

TODAY I AM THANKFUL FOR: A JOB THAT MAKES ME LAUGHHHHHHHH!